Merritt Jennings Gore

Well here he is officially! Weighing in at 8 lbs 9 oz and 20 inches long and born at 945am on July 30th - he is a great baby boy! However as most of you know I had major complications during labor and was rushed to Santa Barbara's Cottage Hospital's ICU immediately after giving birth. I do not remember any of Jennings' birth or seeing him for the first time. I barely remember arriving at the hospital that morning to have him.

I started having problems 2 pushes before he was born - and I only had to push 5 times from what I'm told. I was diagnosed with Amniotic Fluid Embolism which is very rare but has a 80-90% mortality rate. Needless to say I am EXTREMELY lucky to still be here and if it weren't for the quick response of the respiratory crew at Lompoc Valley Hospital I more than likely would not be here. All the right people were in the right place at the right time to save my life - not to mention God was definitely looking out for me.

I do not remember most of my stay in the hospital - mostly because I was heavily sedated and then intubated because I evidently HATE being sedated. I was thrashing around and would not settle down so they had to intubate me. I was on a ventilator that was breathing for me and was in ICU for 5 days and then moved to the high risk OB floor for one night and then I got to come home to my family and my mom and dad. I do remember a few days in the ICU but I was loopy - I could not walk, eat, use my hands or do anything independently. My short term memory is gone from those days and I had no idea where I was when I came out of being intubated. I thought I was at Duke Hospital for some reason and I did not remember that my parents were coming into town or why - I thought they were surprising me?! It was a rough, ROUGH time for Jeremy and my parents. Luckily after my MRI came back all clear everyone could breathe a little easier but I still wasn't out of the woods yet.

I did get to see Jackson and Jennings Monday night in ICU - although it wasn't advised to have kids on the floor - Jeremy thought I might snap out of it once I saw my babies - and it did help. Jackson was not sure of his mommy because I had on an oxygen mask and was still pretty out of it but I definitely remember him coming and running around with my nurses - who were amazing by the way.

I did have to come home with a walker because my strength was so weak but I only used it once from the car to the getting inside the house and just getting around in the house independently. On Saturday August 7th I had a rehab specialist come into our house to work on some exercises but he was so impressed by how I was doing, I didn't have to see him again. Slowly but surely my strength has come back as well as my energy. I was getting completely exhausted just taking a shower that I wasn't able to finish 'getting ready' so I didn't. Dad went back to NC on August 7th and Mom left today. I don't know what we would have done without them and our friends the Suden's for taking my parents around to run errands and for watching Jackson when they ran down to Santa Barbara. We definitely had different plans for when they were out here after Jennings' arrival but things just didn't work out!

So there is the story in a nut shell. I went to see my OB a couple of days ago and he was so relieved to see me doing so well and alive! I gave everyone a good scare and I am SO THANKFUL to still be here. Every now and then I think 'what if' and I immediately have to put that thought out of my head. I just can not imagine not being here with all my boys. Thankfully with everyone's thoughts and prayers God listened and I can go on being a wife and a mommy to 2 adorable little boys. My heart is full and now my nights are sleepless and I would never want it any other way.

So thank you to anyone that reads this blog for your thoughts and prayers and for anything else that you have done for us during this time. Our new house is filled with beautiful flowers that were delivered while I was in the hospital or after I got home. We are resting this weekend and then Monday morning I'll be on my own with 2 kids - I'm guessing there is going to be a lot of staying home time because right now it's hard enough to get all 4 of us ready and out the door so doing it on my own is going to be CRAZY!

*my vision is the only symptom that I still have from the Amniotic Fluid Embolism - AFE - so letters get blurry and I cannot tell if everything is spelled correctly so forgive me if anything is out of order*

ps - for me to remember - we also survived our first California earthquake August 10th - 257 am 3.4 magnitude....5 miles from epicenter......I thought there was a missile launch that no one told me about - or that I was still a little loopy(which would have made the most sense;)